On the Eve of 30

Here I sit, the evening before my 30th birthday, wearing my pajamas, a Taylor University sweatshirt, and wrapped up in a cozy blanket on my living room sofa.  I’m listening to my roommates try on dresses to wear for my birthday dinner / New Year’s celebration, popping in and out of the room with different outfits on, and striking poses in the mirror… a lot of laughter happens when we try on clothes for each other.

I’m sipping tea out of my “bloom” mug, listening to Amanda Cook’s song “Voyage”, while yet again my roommate chimes in with little spurts of singing (a completely different song) and makes hilarious commentary as she cleans up the kitchen after cooking dinner, saying how she’s convinced she’s the only one I really care about being at my birthday dinner and maybe it should have just been a dinner for two by candlelight.  Those two being her and I haha.

I love my home.

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But life isn’t perfect.  An hour ago I was icing my back, an injury I’m dealing with from a car accident I was in a few weeks ago.  Work has been getting a bit intense as we expand the company while keeping our corporate staff the same size.  I’m figuring out finances and how to move forward with goals in mind, while still living in this place that I love so dearly.  I am expanding my ministry as God reveals more and more inspiration to me of how to use my creativity to administer His love and joy and life to those I encounter.  Counseling is teaching me where I fall short, where I still need healing, where I must put in the hard work to see the results.  It’s an interesting season to be seeking growth and continued healing in so many areas.

I love what 30 years have taught me.
I love how 30 years have shaped me.
I love where 30 years have taken me.

There are changes up ahead, of that I am sure.  But what do they look like?  I will continue to trust and hope and seek and discover one day at a time.

You’re afraid, but you can hear adventure calling
There’s a rush of adrenaline to your bones
What you make of this moment changes everything

A lot of people dread turning 30, but I am so very ready and so very excited to see where God leads in the upcoming years.  I find it exhilarating to think of new adventures, new opportunities, new experiences, new challenges, and new things to celebrate.

Sure, I’ve had moments of feeling a bit apprehensive of stepping into my 30’s.  I don’t FEEL 30.  I mean, how are you supposed to feel?

Mature?  Accomplished?  Secure?  Confident?

I had an idea.  Why don’t I ask some of my closest friends to tell me a few words they would use to describe me?  Well, of course I waited until the last minute to write this post, and by now my roommates have migrated back to the living room, so I asked if they would be two of those closest friends to contribute to this experiment and they were willing to!

When asked, my roommates gave the following words to describe me:

Considerate.  Adventurous.  Brave.  Optimistic.  Expectant.  

You know what?  THAT describes how I feel.  And you know what else?  It feels so good to be known and understood and celebrated for who I am today.  I’m so glad I don’t have to live up to some unknown expectation, some “idea” of what it should look like to be 30.  I’ve begun to appreciate so much the crazy variety of stories God is writing in people’s lives.  I love that we don’t need to feel pressured to have life look a certain way.  We can be empowered to live our lives in a way that is healthy and fulfilling for each of us… but even more importantly, we can be empowered to walk confidently the path that God has given us!

What if the path you choose becomes a road
The ground you take becomes a home
The wind is high, but the pressure’s off
I’ll send the rain wherever we end up, wherever we end up

So going into my 30’s, I think I would have to say my hope is that I continue to fix my eyes on my Creator and refuse to play the comparison game.  That I remain faithful to the journey God has placed me on and commit myself to continual growth, learning, and self-care.  That I remember my ministry must come from an overflow, which means placing my relationship with the Lord as priority #1, and close behind it the priority of caring for myself so that I can then care for and breathe life into others in the abundant ways I desire to!  And in all things, that I view the act of surrender as beautiful and necessary to experience the fullness of God’s goodness.

I am the wind in your sails.

Here’s to 30!  I am ready.

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About Megan Sauder

A musician with a passion for creativity, adventure, traveling, and cherishing even the simplest of moments.
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